Feeling Overwhelmed Being a Mom? Practical Tips to Boost & Support a Healthy Mind
Are you a busy mom struggling to keep on top of everything? Feeling overwhelmed trying to balance all of your responsibilities?
You are not alone. A 2005 study, “Supermom, superwife, supereverything: performing femininity in the transition to motherhood” described just how difficult motherhood can be:
There Isn't Just One Way to be a Woman
Society places a lot of emphasis on what the “perfect” woman should be. Beautiful, thin, successful, a clean home, freshly-cooked meals every night, and so on. These expectations are perpetuated through social media, making many women feel anxious, trying to reach impossible standards. Between work, family, children, relationships, and the normal bumps we all experience, life can become very overwhelming.
Women have so many responsibilities, so it’s important to take care of yourself, in order to be able to take care of your loved ones. Therapy can help you find the balance you need.
Being a Mom can be Stressful & Overwhelming
It’s hard being a busy mom. You’re always trying to keep up with the kids’ appointment and playdates, shine at work, get some alone time with your partner (or to yourself), keep your kids safe and happy, look good while you’re doing it! If you’re reading this and it sounds all too familiar, you are likely feeling frustrated, burnt out, and overwhelmed.
Or, maybe you are a new mom. Being a new mom is meant to be the happiest time of your life. But for most of us, it can be the most difficult thing we have ever had to deal with. Many moms struggle with post-partum depression, loneliness, or anxiety. Even those closest to you may not know how to best support you. Even though you are now looking after a new baby, don’t forget that you also need looking after!
It’s normal to feel that you aren’t a “good enough” mom. It’s OK to sometimes feel like you want to give up. If it’s all getting too much, consider reaching out to a professional.
Break Free of Routine
Breaking free of routine to make time for yourself can be very hard, especially when there are so many things you’re trying to juggle. But it is so important to carve time out for yourself. There are a number of ways you can take care for yourself to ensure you can be the best version of you!
Get a Grip on Your Overwhelming State of Mind
“Overwhelemed” often involves us feeling consumed by a situation and having many thoughts about it. What is that for you? Get clear on what it is and on how it is making you feel. Now challenge yourself to think about how you want to feel and what circumstances would contribute to you feeling that way.
Put the Oxygen Mask on Yourself First
Boundaries: Ask yourself: Am I the only one that can do this now? Is this the best use of my energy? Is this aligned with my needs at the moment? Is this allowing me to grow and expand or to get tense and contract?
Detox: What we put in our physical body as well as in our minds and hearts can support us or overwhelmed us. Simplify and choose whole foods, “whole thoughts” (compassionate and loving thoughts towards yourself) and choose mindfully the right amount and kind of stimulation for you (company, entertainment and connections).
Prioritize: Choose the three top things that you want to accomplish in a lapse of time (day or week). Focus on those rather than multitasking at a lower capacity and feeling like you never finish anything, which by the way is a very common feeling for moms. Your brain will be immensely grateful!
Exercise: There are loads of free workout videos geared to busy women and moms who can’t seem to find time for themselves. It’s always hard to start, but once you get going and start seeing results, it’s hard to stop! Why not take a walk on your lunch break? Or set your alarm 10 minutes earlier and do some yoga or stretches. It doesn’t sound like much but it can make all the difference to your day.
Quiet Time: Every woman loves a little quiet time to herself! Try a meditation app, or once the kids are in bed surrender to a great book, journal or have a spiritual practice. It is important to carve out “me” time to re-energize and unwind. The psychologist Jack Rosenberg, founder of Integrative Body Psychotherapy (IBP) believes that “breathwork” – deep and slow breathing – can promote mindfulness and alleviate depression and anxiety.
Surrender and Trust: I have spent most of my time this month trying to figure out how I will be able to continue to work in what I love and keep my youngest child learning at home. I have spent countless hours trying to form a learning pod, interviewing potential teachers, talking to other families, trying to create the best possible environment for each family member to thrive. But gosh, it has been intense to say the least and ultimately I choose to continue working towards it but with surrender and trust that the loose pieces will fall into place. I feel so much better and have so much more creativity to think outside the box and co-create this project. Surrendering and trust are key component to move from overwhelmed to calm and thrive.
Do Something for You: Mothers are fed up of doing and most of them want to rest, sleep, have someone cook and clean for them and have fun. It’s hard to see them identify with adding classes and one more thing to the already unreal expectation of needing to be perfect. I like the idea of doing something for you, but permission granted that could be anything, sleep, and talk for two hours on facetime with your best friend without interruptions, or reaching for something more sophisticated like a class or an interest. Why not take up that weekly painting class again, just like you used to before you had kids? Or join an evening class and learn some new skills. For you to be the best version of yourself, it is vital for you to do things that make you happy. Maybe you love dance or theater? Been thinking about starting up a local book club. Now is the time! The famous psychologist Karen Horney once said, “If you want to be proud of yourself, then do things in which you can take pride”.
It’s Okay to Reach Out for Help
There is absolutely no shame in asking someone for help. Talking to others who understand what you are going through lightens your load and will help you to feel less stressed, less overwhelmed, and calmer. Therapy sessions will be tailored specifically to your needs, bringing out the best version of you. Therapy can help you find ways to rediscover yourself, find joy and happiness, and thrive, without trying to fulfill anyone else’s expectations.
Psychotherapy and coaching can help you understand and untangle any inner conflicts and help you navigate through any life transitions you may be going through, helping you regain a balanced lifestyle and really thrive. As the psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “You control your own destiny.”
(1) Choi, P., Henshaw, C., Baker, S., & Tree, J. (2005). Supermum, super wife, super everything: performing femininity in the transition to motherhood. Journal of reproductive and infant psychology, 23(2), 167-180.